Recently, at the vibrant dog community in Chicago's Lincoln Park, a two-pound, three-month-old malti-poo puppy was engaged in a rigorous, Pepe le Pew-like program of incessantly humping every dog in his path. Well, not every dog. He did stick to pooches that were somewhat in his "league," such as my own 12-pound rat terrier, who thankfully didn't bite the preposterous puppy's head off for taking such liberties. Continue reading...

In this month's Evasive Maneuvers column, our master of euphemisms tackles food and the consequences of food — on earth and in the cosmos.

Recently, aboard the International Space Station, a crisis struck! Continue reading...

Will the Appalachian trail ever be the same?

Environmentally, I think so. Linguistically? Not a chance. Continue reading...

Euphemisms, like bedbugs and zombies, never strike when you expect them; they're always lurking under a pillow or zombie master that seemed so harmless.

So imagine my delight when, right here in the pages of Visual Thesaurus, I read about one of the most delicious, audacious, egregious, preposterous euphemisms of my lifetime or yours — frozen popsicle as a synonym for homework. Continue reading...

If you feared the end of the Bush administration meant there would be no more preposterous government-propelled euphemisms to keep us warm and confused in these dark nights of the soul, fear not! And while you're non-afraid, how'd you like to buy some legacy assets? Continue reading...

As a resident of Chicago and citizen of the great state of Illinois, I feel as though I am in the center of the political cosmos, whence all good and bad things emanate.

Where else has given you, in such a short time, the first black President and the first disgraced former governor with a giant rodent living on his head? You're welcome. Continue reading...