Word Count

Writers Talk About Writing

Why Do the Best Writers Have the Most Emotional Intelligence?

I read the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence — also known as EI — by Daniel Goleman, in 1996 when my kids were two years old. My husband and I used to enjoy debating which of our children had the most EI. We thought the answer was patently obvious but I won't give it here, just in case any of my kids are reading.

Studies have shown that people with high EI — meaning: the ability to identify, understand and assess their own and others' emotions — have greater mental healthincreased happiness and more compelling leadership skills.  

But here's the thing that might interest you. People who have more emotional intelligence are also better writers. I've been struck by this recently because of the writers I've come to know through my Get It Done group. To put it succinctly: Most of them ace the five components of emotional intelligence as identified by Daniel Goleman.

Note that this is quite different from the whole idea of talent, which is a natural aptitude for writing. Here are the more useful attributes that emotionally intelligent writers display:

They are fantastically (yet modestly) self-aware

Successful writers are not cocky. Instead, they have a realistic understanding of their own self-worth. They know what they're good at — whether it's coming up with shockingly apt metaphors or finessing seamless transitions. But they also know what they need to improve. And, more than likely, they have a plan for developing that skill. Bonus: They usually have a self-deprecating sense of humour.

They have the ability to self-regulate

Parts of writing are acutely uncomfortable. They know this and while not exactly joyful over it they accept the inevitable difference between the wonderful story in their minds and the horribleness of their crappy first draft. Bad as today's work may be, they know that tomorrow's output will be entirely different. Worse, perhaps. Better — if they're lucky. But they have the emotional maturity to simply show up every day and put in their words. The writing/publishing industry has changed enormously in the last 10 years. People who have mastered their emotions are able to roll with these sorts of changes.

They are highly motivated

Writers with emotional intelligence have a strong desire to achieve and, above all, a certain knowledge that they will eventually finish. More than that, they're willing to put the work in. They're the people who start writing at 6 am (or earlier!) or 11 pm (or later!) so they can log their daily writing time when no one else is awake to bother them. They're in it for the long haul. They don't need instant gratification.

They show great empathy

Writers with emotional intelligence understand what makes other people tick and hold great respect for them. Their ability to put themselves in the shoes of others makes them exquisitely sensitive to the needs of their readers. They don't focus so much on what they want to write. Instead, they try to figure out what their audience wants to read. They would rather eat dirt than bore their readers.

They have superior social skills

Their ability to manage others also allows them to manage themselves. Most writers — even successful ones — have the same nasty internal editor operating at the back of their brains — the voice saying "this is no good; you're a crummy writer." But people with high EI do a better job of managing that voice than most. With patience and good humour, they tell it to get lost. "Don't talk to me now," they say. "I'm too busy writing. Come back with your ideas when I'm ready to edit." As natural leaders themselves they have the smarts to take any big job (like an 80,000-word book) and cut it down into more reasonable sized pieces (i.e.: 219 words a day for a year.)

According to Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence is born largely in the "neurotransmitters of the brain's limbic system, which governs feelings, impulses, and drives." Research shows that we learn best through motivation, extended practice, and feedback. Most training programs instead focus on the neocortex, the part of the brain that grasps concepts and logic. (I like to call this the "editing" part of the brain.)

If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, you're far more likely to succeed through focused coaching rather than by reading about it. That said, if you do want to check out two books you might find helpful, I recommend Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath and Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves. Both of the books come with a "code" that will allow you to do an internet-based test, gauging your strengths and weaknesses.

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A former daily newspaper editor, Daphne Gray-Grant is a writing and editing coach and the author of Your Happy First Draft. She offers a free weekly newsletter on her website Publication Coach. Click here to read more articles by Daphne Gray-Grant.

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Comments from our users:

Wednesday May 27th 2020, 5:27 PM
Comment by: Nelson B. (Campinas Brazil)
Excellent! What are your top five?
Wednesday May 27th 2020, 8:22 PM
Comment by: Daphne Gray-Grant (Vancouver Canada)Visual Thesaurus Contributor
You mean in Strengths Finder?

I am:


(wish he'd gone for less jargon-y language.)
Monday June 1st 2020, 9:50 AM
Comment by: David C. (Marietta, GA)
Thanks, Daphne, for a delightful and even comforting post on some of the traits useful for writing. My emotional intelligence has often been questionable, but I may well be on my way to becoming an emotional genius. Last night, I saw Deborah Kerr and Carry Grant in AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER, and I CRIED. Meg Ryan, in SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE, would have been proud of me. When I learn to cry while viewing THE DIRTY DOZEN, I'll know I have reached emotional Nirvana--where intelligence fades into insignificance.

Thanks again for our post. Intelligence aside, first Drafts, I imagine, take a degree of arrogance. The humility comes the next day when the brilliance has decayed into a mess.
Tuesday June 2nd 2020, 4:50 PM
Comment by: Daphne Gray-Grant (Vancouver Canada)Visual Thesaurus Contributor
One important point to keep in mind, David: Allow more than one day (if you can) for incubation before editing.

Often, you will be surprised to see how much your writing has IMPROVED during that time off!

PS: It's probably been 30 years since I saw An Affair to Remember but I do recall loving it!
Thursday November 5th 2020, 10:01 AM
Comment by: Mary C A.
Just for fun, I looked up emotional intelligence on the internet. I can buy it for 499.00. Isn't that special? For the longest time, the one writing must-have, voice, outran my understanding. Writing friends could identify it in my writing, but I couldn't. While re-reading something I had written a few years ago I heard it, felt it, recognized it, at last knew what it was. Imagine! Finally I heard my own voice. To me that's another example of emotional intelligence, the ear--the ability--to hear beyond the words. My first reaction was to add an adjective, but that would only reduce it's power. I've learned to get rid of a lot of those.

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