In this month's Evasive Maneuvers column, our master of euphemisms tackles food and the consequences of food — on earth and in the cosmos.

Recently, aboard the International Space Station, a crisis struck!  Continue reading...

Will the Appalachian trail ever be the same?

Environmentally, I think so. Linguistically? Not a chance.  Continue reading...

Euphemisms, like bedbugs and zombies, never strike when you expect them; they're always lurking under a pillow or zombie master that seemed so harmless.

So imagine my delight when, right here in the pages of Visual Thesaurus, I read about one of the most delicious, audacious, egregious, preposterous euphemisms of my lifetime or yours — frozen popsicle as a synonym for homework.  Continue reading...

If you feared the end of the Bush administration meant there would be no more preposterous government-propelled euphemisms to keep us warm and confused in these dark nights of the soul, fear not! And while you're non-afraid, how'd you like to buy some legacy assets?  Continue reading...

As a resident of Chicago and citizen of the great state of Illinois, I feel as though I am in the center of the political cosmos, whence all good and bad things emanate.

Where else has given you, in such a short time, the first black President and the first disgraced former governor with a giant rodent living on his head? You're welcome.  Continue reading...

As the only euphemism columnist in America, it is my sacred duty to help euphemisms swim and purr to their greatest potential, lest Darwinian forces maul them prematurely.  Continue reading...

Recently, my friend Diane started feeling nauseous and passing out. After a scary trip to the emergency room, she learned the problem was her heart: it kept stopping every once in a while, so she was strongly advised to get a pacemaker. (She now has one and is doing great, thank Zeus.)

But when Diane was debating what to do, a doctor not only came down in favor of pacemaker insertion, but a certain word choice as well:

"Oh, it's not a surgery," the doctor said. "It's only a procedure."  Continue reading...